MAKING YOUR COMPLIMENTS CHRIST-LIKE

Thanks to the Internet and sites like Myspace, Flickr, YouTube, and DeviantArt, it is easier than ever for creative youth to share their talents with the world and receive feedback in return. Unfortunately, constructive and meaningful comments are difficult to find in these fast-paced environments, where a simple "Wow!" or a 5-star rating can accomplish the task much more quickly. Yet, as many artists know, it is very encouraging to receive comments that go beyond these short, mechanical responses and truly inspire progress. As Christians, we are called to "build one another up," not just flatter; and the way you present your compliments or critique can have a huge impact on someone else's ministry. Want to learn how to effectively encourage? Here are 7 tips to keep in mind:

1. Be specific about what you like in the piece. A general blanket statement is about as encouraging as one of those automated "Thank you for your submission" emails that you sometimes get when sending work for publication. If somebody's creativity touches you on a personal level, personalize your comments.

Bad: "That dance routine is just all-around perfect; everything about it is beautiful."
Better: "I loved your arm movements and facial expressions -- they were synchronized with the music and really brought out the message in the song."

2. Avoid comparisons. Measuring someone against anything other than God's word can have dangerous consequences, and never serves to build up. If, for instance, you tell a young artist that their work is better than the art produced by their adult counterparts, you not only slander an entire group of hard-working artists, but you also flatter the teenager into contentment with being a step above the others. The result? Well, we've all seen what happens to child celebrities -- their faults are indulgently overlooked because they're seen as so good for their age, and they never learn to fix their problems. Once these kids grow up, no one can use their age as an excuse, and comparisons of a different kind begin: "She used to be so much better than she is now. Even the worst actors are better than her."

Comparisons of any sort -- positive or negative -- are never a good thing: since God made everybody unique, you always end up comparing 'apples to oranges.' Besides, the standards of other people aren't worth aiming for: encourage creative youth to reach for God's Excellence, not someone else's.

Bad: "Your writing is exceptional for your age, but it doesn't have the flow that her writing has."
Better: "Your writing is exceptional, but it could use more work on flow."

3. Point out room for improvement as a 'next step,' rather than a flaw. You've probably been in school for most of your life, and know what it's like to get a test or assignment back after it's been marked: there is a certain finality in the grade. It doesn't matter if you finally understood algorithms one day after you wrote your Calculus test -- you can't go back and change the mark, even though it no longer reflects your actual level of knowledge. For most youth, that's a source of discouragement: what's the use of trying to do better when the mark has already been finalized?

Similarly, when you put a "grade" on someone's creativity, you may be unwittingly keeping them from moving forward. Ministries are meant to be nurtured and developed, not shot down with critique. When you point out an imperfection, say it in a way which shows that the situation can be improved.

Bad: "The website looks awful without a logo and with so many different fonts."
Better: "When you next update your site, you can try adding a logo and unifying the page by using one font."

4. Ask questions. Encouragement isn't a one-sided affair: if you involve the other person and listen to their thoughts, you'll both get more out of it. By promoting conversation, you might cause the artist to consider a side of the issue that he or she has never thought about. Of course, you can do the same thing by simply telling them, but they'll probably learn a lot more if you let them reach the conclusion on their own. If you have some advice to offer, listen to their ideas first, then put yours on the table.

Bad: "The drama group is a great idea; if I were you, I'd make a MySpace page for it to gain followers."
Better: "The drama group a great idea! How do you plan on spreading the word?" (After they answer, share any additional ideas you may have.)

5. Be sincere. A single exaggerated compliment can mar everything that came before it. Using superlatives ("the best," "the wittiest," "the nicest") can come across as sarcastic or insincere even if you don't mean it that way. Exaggeration is certainly not a Christ-like quality, and flattery is condemned many times in the Bible, so keep it real: sometimes, the best encouragement is the simplest.

Bad: "This is better than anything Mozart ever wrote."
Better: "This is a touching and beautiful song."

6. Have high expectations for people without putting pressure on them. This is a difficult aspect to control: sometimes, just complimenting someone on their recent work can make them feel pressured to produce equal or better work in the future -- especially if they have a "perfectionist" personality or low self-confidence. While some pressure is healthy as it makes artists aim higher, it can also become discouraging, so avoid setting standards that might leave them overwhelmed. At the same time, don't lower your expectations so much that you leave the artist feeling unchallenged: be optimistic and expect them to continue doing well.

Bad: "This book is so great, I don't think you'll ever be able to top it in your sequel!"
Better: "I love this book, and I'm excited to see the sequel -- I know you can do a great job with that!"

7. Offer your help. Sometimes, the best encouragement is expressed in actions, not words. If you want to build up a friend, build with them, instead of leaving them to build alone. Artists are less likely to give up or lose motivation if they have a team to work with when things get tough.

Bad: "Well, it was nice hearing about that. Can't wait to see the finished product!"
Better: "Hey, if you ever need advice or anything, just let me know. I'm pretty good at writing, and I know someone who is an illustrator; we can both help. If not, I'll pray about it!"

Whether you're complimenting, critiquing, or simply commenting, remember that a specific and constructive message can be very encouraging to the receiver. It may take a little extra effort, but you never know how much a sincere comment can impact somebody's work. So add some heart to your reviews and show God's grace in everything you write!

Article by Oksana K. [editor]

Some Topics for Discussion: (Feel free to discuss other things related to this article!)

1) Have you ever received an encouraging comment or compliment that really made your day and inspired you to get better at what you were doing? Did it fit any of the guidelines listed above? -- if so, which ones?
2) Why do you think many people opt to leave short, simple compliments like "Wow!" instead of more constructive comments? Is it a lack of time, a lack of effort, not knowing what to say...?

Leave a comment with your thoughts...